InsanePacladyFriend

When I was four, I'd pretend to run away. I'd shift the weight of my Teletubbies back-back on my tiny kid shoulders, my curly auburn hair tied with a blue scrunchy at the top of my head that was filled of ideas. I'd run away, all the way down the road. And around the corner there would be mountains, tigers roaming deep, dark jungles. I'd go swimming with the mermaids at the bottom of the sea... Had I packed my swimming costume? Yes! Sometimes witches would chase me, The whisper of heat from dragons breath forever at the nape of my neck. But I would be a fearless four -almost five! - year old. A big girl. So I'd stand there, my little head hel

I stare at the blank white page. It mocks me with its emptiness, I've drawn blanks again. Much like the horrible cleanness of this damned piece of paper. Where is the hole that I once fell into? I have to escape, I must wonder now! I was Alice, falling down down down. I would find beauty when I stopped falling. It was messy and wonderful and frustrating. But it was beauty just the same. It would spill from my mind and find its way to my ravenous fingertips. It was put on a pedestal. Untended. Uncared for. Now so is my mind. I've drawn blanks. But surely that is art within itself?

I try to convince myself that I am confident.That my flaws, or the features I dislike are just a part of who I am. This might sound strange.. But the only part of me that I truly love and would never change are my scars. They tell a story, from 17 years ago, from from a year ago and from four months ago. My scars are my confidence. They portray bravery. A lot of people hate their scars, whether it’s from self harm, an accident, or in my case, surgery. But these scars tell a story of survival. You survived that fucked up day. You survived that accident. You survived a life-threatening illness. You survived. So rather than wallowing

You are snow. Beautiful and cold. Your kisses leave my skin frostbitten and yearning. There was no warmth to save me. But I did not want to be saved, rescued or protected. I wanted you to freeze me. Preserve me in this state of complete adoration. You could have done that. You could have frozen me, ended my life as I knew it at your fingertips. But before I was frozen, I thawed.

I didn’t want to hear you so I blocked you out Yet at the same time I needed you more than ever You knew that I needed to hear you say everything would be alright To tell me that everything would get better But in the swelling darkness words meant nothing Only actions And your courageous act was leaving Then I was gone.

It was a crisp autumn morning when I found her curled up in a ball on her bed. Her skin as white as chalk and cold as the snow we once longed for. Her lips were as blue as her life had been for the past three years. Her life gushing out her her wrists is an image never to be forgotten. Such character her face once had. A permanently furrowed brow, sorrowful, golden doe-eyes and a frowning mouth. They all worked together in such wonderful harmony to express her inner monstrosities in such a beautiful manner. But in death she was different. Her cheeks were not tear-stained and her eyes were not wet. A whisper of a smile tainted her lifeless l